life times & love

it's weird because so much has gone on in the past month. and it's weird that tomorrow is the last day of the year, and i'm gonna get the question of "who are you?" for my last question of the trek. but what have i learned? i don't know, i've learned that the now, is the most important of the then and whatever the future tense is. there is so much wasted on just sitting in the moment, the amber, the fire and just contemplating on the past, and how its messed you up, or how terrible it is. whatever it was, it's gotten you to the moment that you're at now and it's the most important however negative or positive it is. the now moves us to whatever the future now is, but the thing is not to let it bother you, not for you to be worried about it, just know that the now is going to get you there.
that's alot said there.
but that's what i learned, the semester has ended, and i have started and settled in my winter break ways. but the thing is, like today, i don't want it to end. which makes everything so much worse. cause that's what is the problem, at moments like that when you realize the fire and the amber, you make the flame flutter in the quick gasp of air that you take in a sudden fear of time.
i guess that's another thing that i've learned this past month. it's been a great & insightful month and i'm happy it's part of me.

201. Put these creatures in order from what you would least like to be reincarnated as (1), to what you would most like to be reincarnated as (10) assuming reincarnation ended up existing AND you were given a choice.

1. Vulture
2. Rock
3. Male Human
4. Rock
5. Caterpillar
6. Wild Dog
7. Manta Ray
8. Female Human
9. House Dog
10. Dolphin

202. What do you feel unworthy of?
what kind of question is that? i mean it would be awful if people just went around and thought that they weren't worthy of things y'know.

203. Would you rather be remembered for having done something for humanity or being a really nice person?
having done something for humanity.

204. Which do you value more: science or intuition?
intuition. i think it might take you farther in life than science.

205. Your best friend and your significant other are in the hospital at the same time with the same ailment. Who do you visit first?
what! uh, i guess i would visit my significant other first, then my friend. they would understand.

206. Does the universe revolve around human beings?
no the universe revolves around everything.

207. If you are no longer a virgin, do you wish you still were?


208. Who is your favorite poet of those who are alive right now?
oo, i like billy collins alot.

209. What is your favorite song from the 90's?
i think it might be "black and white" by Micheal Jackson

210. If you were in alphabet soup what letter would you be?
A

211. Do you believe in fairies, ghosts, aliens, angels, dwarves, elves, etc.?
I believe in ghosts, everything else though. big fat no.

212. What makes you want to be someone’s friend?
same interests, we have to have at least 2 intriguing conversations where we just flow together or whatever.

213. Do you troll around the Internet harassing people anonymously for fun?
no that's terrible.

214. Have you ever seen the movie A Man Who Fell to Earth?
no. never even heard of it.

215. What is your favorite line from a movie?
"No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world."
from Dead Poets Society.

216. What's your favorite video game?
oi, it has to be mario karts right now. love that damn thing.

217. Have you ever taken something that wasn't yours?
yeah, but who hasn't.

218. What is one phrase people say that irritates you?
hm, i can't think of one right now.

219. You allow strangers to read your diary, but would you let your parents read it?
yeah, i guess i would. there's nothing in it really i need to hide.

220. Hot steamy bubble bath or quick in and out shower?
hot steamy bubble bath.

221. Are you allergic to anything?
nope :)

222. What is your favorite Terminator movie?
i like terminator rise of the machines. it was like my first one and i thought it was the best thing i've ever seen.

223. What is your favorite fast food?
has to be between taco bell & burger king

224. What would someone have to do to get you to never speak to him or her again?
like kill my dog or something. or just full out betray me.

225. Would (or have) you ever whip someone or be whipped by someone in bed?
herm. i guess do the whipping?

226. Have you ever said 'I hate everyone' and really meant it literally?
nope. 

227. Why do some people want to get more money than they could ever spend?
because it's a fantasy that everyone has, spending so much money would be fun & to some it makes them feel powerful.

228. Have you ever won a carnival fish?
no, but i've always wanted to.

229. Did it live more than a week?
i never had one!! T-T

230. What's the best sounding accent a person can have?
ooo i love accents. uh, i really love French, heave Spanish & English. oi vay. i can't choose >.<

231. What's the most boring thing you've ever read?
ugh. there have been a few things i've read for school that were terrible.

232. Do you prefer buttons or touch screens?
i like touch screens.

233. Do you think there is a lot of similarity between the Harry Potter books and the Lord of the Rings series?
there are a few, i mean but there are alot of connections between books & movies.

234. Would you consider yourself to be naive?
in a way. i still am.

235. Which of your friends is most likely to go to jail?
haha, um, i think lukas.

236. What is the smallest amount of money that could be in a public toilet that would make you reach in and grab it?
100 bucks.

237. Would you ever wear real fur?
noooooooo.

238. Arachnophobia or Eight Legged Freaks?
eight legged freaks. 'cause it was meant to be funny.

239. What are your feelings about police officers?
they're trying to do their job. but i'd prefer them not to be assholes when they have to deal with people.

240. what is your favorite line from a song?
gah! why do i have to get a question like this.

241. Is fifty dollars a lot of money?
to a college kid. heck yes.

242. Do you like the band Front 242 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Front_242)?
uh, i listened to it. and not digging it at the moment.
 
243. Would you rather have fame, money, or self-satisfaction?
self-satisfaction

244. What's your middle name?
Bianca. and it doesn't fit me at all, but it flows with my whole name.

245. What is the absolute limit, the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?
dudes. like i don't know what's the craziest thing.

246. Are you good, evil or neutral?
neutral?

247. Should ebonics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ebonics) be considered a language?
i don't think so. it seems to be more like a slang than language.

248. What color is your bedroom?
green :)

What color would you like it to be?
that is the color i wanted it to be.

249. When are you planning to move to a new home?
uh, i'm in college. so i guess after i graduate.

250. If you added up the cost of everything in the room with you, approximately what would it come out to be?
i dunno, like 300 bucks.

251. Do you blow your nose in public?
no it's so gross.

252. Do you want to follow in your parent's footsteps?
uh, no. i want to make my own.

253. What is the coolest web site you know of?
stumbleupon.com!

254. Which cartoon would you most like to see turned into a movie?
hmm. i would love to make a samurai champloo movie. 'cause i love that show so much.

255. Of the following, which word best describes you: enthusiastic,fair minded, generous, helpful
i guess. fair minded.

256. Can you eat with chopsticks?
yes :)

257. Could you tell real money from counterfeit?
no, and i don't really care to.

258. What do you think about school uniforms?
i mean it makes sense once your out of school that has uniforms, but when your in it school, you hate it & want to be different.

259. What ancient civilization would you most like to visit?
Japan.

260. What would make a great new Crayola color?
deep ocean

261. If an art project is created with the intent of getting rich and famous, does that cast doubt over its significance as a work of art?
i think so. i don't think art should be made with that intent in mind.

262. If you became president, whom would you invite to sing at your inauguration?
oh, seal. most definitely. i would ask micheal jackson, but sadly he's dead.

263. Who is the greatest philosopher of your country?
oh, um. he's not considered a philosopher to some, but i like what he wrote about. Emerson.

264. If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
to war.

265. Is it as easy to make you happy now as it was when you were a child?
yeah, simple things make me happy. which is good.

266. Who knows more...you, or your parents?
my parents for sure. but i know things they know nothing about. so it kinda cancels out.

267. What instrument would you like to be famous for playing?
the guitar.

268. Children fill its lungs completely with air. Adults breathe in a more shallow way, not filling their lungs completely. Why the change?
'cause adults are strange. 

269. Would you have sex with a stranger for one million dollars?
no. stop asking questions about money.

270. Are you completely in control of your body?
no, i guess, but i think so.

Are you completely in control of your mind?
definitely not.

271. Which is more romantic: an expensive, glittering bouquet OR flowers that were hand picked as they grew beside the parkway? 
hand picked. 'cause wild flowers are my second favorite.

272. Do you know yourself well enough to understand why you feel the way you do?
yes.

273. Which do you do more often: let movies, songs and books put your feelings into words for you or put your feelings into words by yourself?
songs and movies. but i do it myself sometimes too.

274. Do you believe celebrities when they are endorsing a product?
not really.

275. What kind of movies do you wish were made more often?
like surreal stuff, like inception, eternal sunshine stuff.

276. Does fashion matter to you?
not really.

277. Should politicians be held to the same legal standards as everyone else?
yes. but they aren't. but that's the way society made it.

278. What do you get in trouble for the most?
i dunno, not doing chores or whatever.

279. Should parents spank their kids?
yes & no

280. What is your worst daily habit?
uh, like sleeping late i suppose.

281. If you had your choice which one TV show would you have canceled?
why would i care, i'm not watching it anyway.

282. Do you like the taste of sweet or salt?
sweet.

283. Are you very precise about what words you use to describe your feelings and thoughts?
no. i jumble them together a lot. because the journey from a thought to words is so freakin' complex.

284. What do you feel the most guilty about?
not trying hard enough.

285. Do you meditate?
sometimes, but i want to do it more.

286. Can dreams be visions, or do you feel they are always random images?
some dreams can be visions, but sometimes they are just random.

287. Do you try to write/say what you are feeling in a true and simple way?
yes i try. and sometimes i succeed & sometimes i don't.

288. The thief _______ that everyone steals.

What verb would you fill in the blank with?
believes.

289. What's the most incredible experience you ever had?
swimming with sharks :)

290. Are you ever afraid to write/say/think how you feel?
no, that would be a terrible fear.

291. Do you write/say/think it anyway or become intimidated and try to avoid it?
no.  

292. What is one thing you can't do?
hm, i can't play the flute. makes me light headed.

293. Do you like movies starring Charleton Heston (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charleton_Heston)?
ben-hur is pretty good.

294. Are you gentle?
i guess so.

295. When do you feel the most raw and vulnerable?
when i'm sleepy.

296. Are you trying to find yourself?
yeah, i feel that the journey never ends though.

297. Where are you looking?
North, South, East & West

298. Are you sometimes afraid of being honest because you are afraid of hurting people's feelings?
not other people, i'm afraid i'm going to get hurt.

299. What would make you a stronger person?
being more open.

300. What book would you like to read sometime soon?
the picture of dorian grey.

 2009. i had longish hair. it was blue, well really, it didn't have a color when i cut it off. it was like an aqua green in the end. i just graduated from high school, and i was on my way to move away to new jersey for college. it was a crazy year trying to get my reigns again for myself, but it was a good year.

2010. sophomore in college, visited home as a homecoming student. i mean i think now i found more of who i want to be, and what i want to do with my future. i made new relationships & still tended to the old ones that i love. i'm still growing by myself right now, and it's going good, even though the new year is just around the bend. (like really, 2011 is next week!!)

Why am i doing this 30 day challenge you ask? I dunno, it's winter break and i was bored, and i needed something to do. I also started this during finals week, and this was my way of procrastinating. it did look interesting though when i found it on my friend's tumblr account.

I think my friends are something special. I love them all dearly, even though sometimes they drive me crazy. I have some that I know I will be friends with forever, and then there are some that will be just those old friends that I would call every so often to catch up or whatever. But I really do love them, they mean a lot to me, every single one of them.

You might find a little notebook, a 35 mm camera, a bag of pens & pencils, hand sanitizer, wallet & some loose change.

To Mom:
Hello, you know you've always been there for me and i love you for that. You truly are my heart, and I don't know what I'd do without you. All my life, you've believed in me and told me to go for my dreams and you never let me down. This whole time you've made me stronger. We have a bond that's thick as a pound of super glue. Which doesn't really make sense at all. But I'm sure you know what i mean. I love you, and thanks for everything you've done, and everything you'll do in the future.

To Dad:
Hey big guy. I love you, and we need to get working on our fragile relationship. There have been good times between us, but there needs to be more. It's sad that I don't know what else to say in this letter that you'll never receive.

101. What does happiness/joy feel like physically?
i dunno, like you just feel like your heart is like pounding out your chest, and you just feel amazing. it's hard to describe. 

102. List five people you love starting with the one you love the absolute most. 

A) my mom

B) Aunt Fred

C) Lukas

D) Chelsea

E) Jimmy


103. How many movies have you gone to see this month?
3 so far

104. If you could have 3 wishes...but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for?

1. to eliminate guns for good.
2. world peace, duh
3. to possibly eliminate world pollution

105. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really tense?
chill out listen to some of my favorite tunes, or call my mom, when she's not available call up my friend. 

106. How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in the springtime and get out of the car?
why specifically the springtime? hmm, maybe like 10K.

107. Have you ever killed an animal?
no

108. Have you ever lost someone close to you?
yes sir.

109. What do you think of cloning?
cloning? i don't find the point of it. on any chance in the world, there doesn't need to be two of anybody.

110. Do you read or watch TV more often? 
watch TV, when i should be reading.

111. With all this talk of terrorism going around are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased safety?
who's talking terrorism? but i don't get how sacrificing rights & freedoms are going to increase security. The only thing that i think could be reasonably be taken away are privacy rights. 

112. What is the punishment you would come up with for Osama Bin Laden if you caught him alive?
just to be in a cell by himself for the rest of his life. one meal a day. the seldom chance of sunshine. 

113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body?
my hair has had numerous names, if that counts. 

114. Have you ever been on the radio or on TV?
TV twice, and they were both embarrassing moments.

115. Have you ever won a lottery, or sweepstakes?
i think i won like 5 bucks from a lottery ticket. and then again, i could be dreaming it. 

116. Have you ever won a contest or competition?
contest, yes. it was a writing one i think. i forgot what it was for, but i got 300 bucks.

117. Do you like to watch The Joy of Painting show with Bob Ross (check out this link if you don't know who he is. Also please note me if you notice the link is broken)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Ross_(painter)?
dude i remember this guy & his amazing fro.

118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living?
absolutely no idea

119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history?
my great grandfather was a slave. that's the only interesting fact that i have.

120. Is there anyone you trust completely?
yes, i have a few people that i have on my list that i trust completely. 

121. Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye?
hmm, i don't think so.

122. How do you feel about women in politics?
that's awesome. they should be in politics, without them, it would be uneven. 

123. Would you rather have an indoor Jacuzzi or an outdoor pool?
outdoor pool.

124. What things are you interested in that you study or read about on your own?
Vincent van Gogh, philosophy & anything else really. I keep a composition of things I want to know. 

125. Would you consider yourself to be intelligent?
in a way. 

126. Would you consider yourself to be wise?
not yet, I'm only 19.

127. Have you ever given or received a lap dance?
hahaha, no. 

128. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person?
uh, just giving them a sandwich, asking them if they eat it.

129. Would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring?
oh, that sounds fun. only if i had some friends with me. and a very hefty flashlight. 

130. If you could add 70 years to your life but only by making some random person die 70 years sooner would you?
why the hell would i want to add 70 years to my life? but I don't think I would ever do it.

131. Can you finish any of the following lyrics? 

A: Nothing to kill or die for... 

B: Late comings with the late comin' stretcher... 

C: I could make a film and make you my star... 
(i feel like i know these songs, but don't know how to finish these lyrics.)

132. Were you ever with someone while they died?
no, that would be traumatizing.

133. Would you rather be a world political leader or a rock star?
rock star. couldn't handle the stress of politics. 

134. Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote?
nope. that would be way to embarrassing.  

135. Have you ever sent someone a surprise through the mail?
I was trying to, but it got sent back to me. 

136. Are you looking forward to any concerts right now?
hopefully Big Gigantic in January. 

137. Of all animated movies, which is the best one you've ever seen?
hard question! has to be Howl's Moving Castle. 

138. What are the best bands or songs to listen to while driving?
any classic rock, like arena tunes. classic soul, like the Temptations to Luther Vandross. or some good ole 50s. 

139. What do you think is the most amazing thing that anyone has ever accomplished?
the person who created electricity. 

140. What could a member of the opposite sex do to impress you?
make me an amazing mix cd.

141. About how many emails do you get a day?
uh about, 15. 

How many of those emails are junk mail?
like 4 

How many of them are forwards?
0

142. What's your favorite thing to do online besides write in your diary and hang out at this site?
facebook & stumble 

143. Do you believe Kurt Cobain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Cobain) killed himself or was it a conspiracy?
i will always believe it was a conspiracy. i mean yeah he was strung out and everything, but he's been strung out alot of times before. why this one time he gets a gun and kills himself, doesn't make sense to me.

144. Have you ever though about hitchhiking across the country?
yes, but whenever i told a friend about it, they always told me not to do it by myself.

145. Who would you bring with you on this kind of a road trip?
the friend i know will stick with me & have fun! 

146. Of the following, which word best describes you: accurate, bold, charming, dependable
dependable?

147. If you are single, at about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down and get married? If you are married, how old were you at the time?
uh, i don't know.

148. Do you often wonder, when you say goodbye to people, if it is the last time you will ever see them?
sometimes, but i try not to think so negative.

149. What movie are you most looking forward to seeing when it comes out?
thor & pirates & HP7

150. What is your quest?
my quest is to fill my happiness meter to the brim.

151. What is louder and more annoying: 200 adults talking or one four-year-old screaming?
one four year old screaming 

152. Do you believe the stories about planes, boats and people mysteriously disappearing into the Bermuda triangle?
not really. it doesn't make sense.

153. Who are you the most jealous of?
nobody really.

154. What is the happiest way you can start your day?
with a good medley of techno songs. 

155. Do you ever have moments where you feel like everything is all right in the world?
yeah, but not everything in the whole world. just in mine. 

156. Who thinks that you are offensive?
uh, i don't know.

157. If you had to teach a class in something, what would you be able to teach people?
about writing.

158. Have you ever had a spiritual experience (an experience that cannot be explained by science)?
herm, i don't think so.

159. Do you believe that this experience was truly mystical or do you think there is some scientific explanation for it, only you don't know what it is?
don't think i had one.

160. Do you get offended easily?
not really, my family is really thick skinned.

161. Would you still love and stay with your signifigant other if he or she had to have a breast or testicle removed? 
whaaat. haha, yeah i would.

162. Do you believe in fate or free will? 
a little bit of both. sometimes you can steer away from the path, other times, you can't help but blame fate in the end.

163. Do you believe that only boring people get bored?
no, i mean. if you get bored, then get up and go do something. i mean it's not like celebrities don't get bored every blue moon.

164. Can life change or are we all stuck in vain?
life can change if you want it to. 

165. What changes are you afraid of?
just making new friends really.

166. Are you a day person or nocturnal?
nocturnal. and sorta a day person too.

167. What one CD could you listen to for an entire week (no mixed CD’s, it must be an album)?
oh, the new Daft Punk Tron album.

168. Which is worse, working in retail, food service, or an office?
an office.

169. What's the coolest job you ever had?
never had a job!!

170. What is one central idea that your thoughts seem to come back to?
i always seem to think about love.

171. Have you ever wanted to be an actor/tress?
nope. never liked performing. 

172. If you had the power to control one person and make this person do anything you wanted for a whole day, who would you pick and what would they do?
i don't know who'd i control. i guess i'd go to the bank & control the manager.

173. What star sign are you and what is your sign like?
Gemini, the twins. 

174. Did the Blair Witch Project scare you?
i've never seen that before. 

175. Are you in constant fear of death?
nope, death is death. can't do anything about it.

176. Does fear of death keep you from building a life?
nope.

177. Do you like all your movies to be in wide-screen? 
i didn't at first, i thought it was dumb. but now i do.

178. Are you a fan of any comic books?
yup. 

179. At what age did you attend your first funeral?
hm, i don't know, but i do know i was young.

180. What do you smell like (lotion, cologne, sweat)?
nothing right now. just my natural smell i suppose.

181. What are your greatest sources for wisdom?
my mom, and books written by great minds.

182. When you were little, where did your parents tell you babies come from? 
i have no idea what my mom told me.

183. What is your favorite band?
favorite band? uh, daft punk right now.

184. What's the best cheesy 80's song?
the footloose song 

185. What's the best kind of movie to see on a date?
a comedy or action or something like inception so you can talk. 

186. Do you like to sit in the front, middle or back of the Movie Theater?
the middle in the back. or the middle in the center.

187. Have you ever been inside an abandoned building?
no, but i totally want to 

188. Under what circumstances would you agree to work for free?
if it was a charity.

189. Candles or strobe lights?
candles.

190. Do you think the Lord of the Rings movies are true to the books or did Hollywood change the story too much?
i didn't read the books, only the Hobbit. but my mom read them, and she said they stuck pretty true to the books.

191. When you see a stranger on the street does your first reaction lean towards thinking of this person as a potential friend or as a potential threat?
potential friend

192. Is it natural for human beings to fear and distrust each other, or is it cultural?
cultural.

193. What do you really want to buy? 
a new camera and a plethora of DVDs

194. You have to choose. Would you be happier marrying someone rich for their money or living in the streets and subway tunnels with someone you love?
choose love every time sucka.

195. If someone wanted to understand you what book could they read that would help?
Nature by Ralph Waldo Emerson

196. Do you think it’s odd that Americans have freedom of religion and yet call themselves 'one nation under god'?
never thought about that, but that is true, that is sort of an oxymoron

197. In what sense are you a minority?
i'm a brown person.

198. Are you anti social?
no no no. that would be a boring way to live. 

199. Do you photograph well?
i guess so. i think so... haha


200. Do you think that human beings would survivor through a nuclear winter?
i think so, but they'd complain a hell of a lot.